Motherhood is KILLER

The other night I was thinking - this motherhood thing is hard...I mean REALLY hard. There are so many challenges, it's a wonder that any of us are still standing at the end of the day. Emotionally, physically, and mentally motherhood is KILLER.

Let's start with sleep. Sleep is equal to water and air in terms of things that humans need to survive. Sleep is essential to brain function and development. Sleep allows us to operate large machinery without risk of losing a limb. Sleep (you'd think) would be pretty darn important for parents nurturing a new life and ensuring a newborns safety - but life has played this cruel trick on us, challenging us every day to be BETTER than our usual selves, on HALF the gas. What gives?

Without sleep, making sound decisions is difficult - but, the irony is that now that you're a Mom, you make decisions every second of the day regardless of whether you've had 8 hours of sleep or just one. When do you take baby to the doctor? What is the best way to soothe them? What is wrong with them THIS time? Should you switch to a convertible carseat? Should you change diaper brands? Should you sleep with the monitor on, or with the door open, or both?

With all of this decision making comes pressure. Pressure to not only make decisions; but, to make the RIGHT decisions. Making decisions has not been so important since middle school when deciding whether or not to wear a purse could make or break your social life. These decisions define what type of Mother you are in the eyes of your family, friends, and other Mommies everywhere...

And of course all of these other Mommies are now you're only source of support. It's like freshman year of college all over again where you have to meet entirely new people and identify friends before all of the "cool" people are taken by some other evolving clique. There's this sense of urgency to meet Mom's who you can connect with so you don't miss out on all of the latest stroller comparisons, finger food tips, doctor recommendations, and class sign-ups.

Meanwhile, you're having an identity crisis because you can't quite figure out who this new YOU is. You're a mom; but, can you still be fun? Can you still be cool at a bar, or will you inevitably break down about your diaper champ woes and whip out your cellphone with pictures of your little one learning to eat prunes. Not to mention, will you EVER lose that last 10 pounds and feel your abs again?

Did I mention you have that whole "career/having it all" question hiding in dark corners of your mind? Are you doing the best thing for you and your family by staying home/going back to work?

Oh! And how could I forget to add that among all of these woes you have to maintain a MARRIAGE? That according to that crazy guy expert on Oprah we have to continue to shower our Husbands with compliments and thanks or they'll feel unappreciated and stray (naturally...it's not their fault, it's OURS).

Uhg. I need a drink or cookie dough or something...

Yuck

There are some things only a Mother can get away with - they include: picking your baby's nose, smelling their butt, licking your hand to wipe their face, and using your sleeve to clean a surprise reflux attack. They are all gross and inappropriate; however, they are totally acceptable in the book of parenthood. Eating your baby's leftovers, on the other hand, can get down right nasty...

Eating already chewed pieces of tofu, puffs, broccoli and other foods that have fallen into the abyss of the highchair, and not hesitating for even a moment, is an act of Motherhood that I just can't explain; yet, it serves a few very practical purposes:

1) It's eco-friendly and supports recycling and renewable energy.
2) It allows me to be nourished as well.
3) It prevents the dog from eating too many scraps and throwing up on the carpet.

Today I caught myself getting an entire mid-afternoon snack on half-chewed puffs trapped in Livija's pants, and bits of tofu that were lodged in the creases of the highchair pad. That's just WRONG in so many ways...but, I was totally okay with it.

It's a never-ending battle, this motherhood thing. You finally get some of your groove back, and BANG,then you start eating regurgitated 1st foods.

Will I ever be a normal woman again?????

Losing Track of Time

For my entire life I have been a watch and time addict. I think my need for checking the time borders on obsessive compulsive. I could be sitting on my butt, watching Ellen, with no where to go, and I just NEED to know what time it is. I once had a friend in college who surprised me one day by reaching over to my arm, grabbing my wrist, removing my watch, and placing it in a drawer - I nearly fainted from the shock. I don't think I made it through the night without having to go to the drawer and sneak it back on my wrist.

Well, a couple of weeks ago my watch battery died. Of course, I discovered this within about 10 minutes of the failure and I nearly died. If you've ever tried to find a store that replaces watch batteries without a hassle, it's not as easy as it seems - and my throat began to tighten as I imagined trying to find a replacement battery with baby in tow.

I spent an evening looking online at watches. I even updated my status on Facebook, exclaiming to my friends that my watch had died....oh "the horror".

And then I weird thing happened.

I forgot all about it.

I totally took the watch off my wrist, and never looked back. It's been about two weeks now and I still have the empty feeling on my left wrist, but no panic that I can't check the time.

What I've realized is that in all of the chaos of learning how to become a mother, I've just let some things go (in a good way). Time being one of them. I've actually started learning to value the time I have, and not to panic about the time that is lost, that is coming up, or that we might be late for. I'm being more intuitive and forgetting about the BIBLE of a notebook that Piyum and I have kept since day one of Livija's life. This little notebook records when she eats, poops, and sleeps and until 2 weeks ago I felt like the walls were caving in if I missed an entry.

Okay, so I cheat a little and check the time on my iTouch which is nearly glued to my being throughout the day; but, I'm pretty proud of myself for figuring out that my days are more about memorable moments than minutes on a ticking piece of silver.

Yesterday, Livija learning how to crawl. I don't know at what time, and I don't care...I'm just glad I was paying attention and not worrying about my watch.