Yard Sale Enlightenment

So, today we had an impromptu yard sale. I've never done of one those before, and I have to say, "Whoa". Who knew yard sales were such a fascinating sub-culture?

Anyway, one lady walked away with bags of stuff. I nicely chatted with her as she looked at some of my exercise gadgets. She told me she had 12 and 13 year olds, and that she was just on her way back from a Weight Watchers meeting. She shared that she was trying to focus on herself for once, and that she battles this feeling that she has to go straight home; but, today she felt kind of saucy and decided to stop at a yard sale and spend a few minutes to herself.

The whole interaction brought on mixed feelings for me. Just this week I have really been thinking about this intense feeling of OBLIGATION I carry around with me everywhere. Even though my pregnancy weight is gone, it has been replaced by the weight of feeling a deep, stirring panic when I think I have left Livija too long.

I understand, practically, that this is really irrational - particularly because the times I experience this the most is when I leave Livija with my husband. It's like I feel guilty for making him spend "too much" time with her. The thing is, he has never once complained - never even made a sideways comment inferring that I have been absent for too long - in fact, he always makes a point to tell me to "take my time".

So, the result is, a wife and mother who can't go for a walk, grocery store run, CVS pit stop or visit with friends without checking my watch incessantly and having my stomach spin in uncontrolled anxiety.

When this woman at our yard sale shared this same feeling with me, I was on one hand glad to know I wasn't the only one; however, completely horrified that she was still dealing with this after 13 years as a mother.

I'm trying to get a grip - and I think going back to work has been really helpful for me; but, I wonder for just how much longer I will convince myself that working out for more than an hour is selfish or insensitive? Hmmm....I've got some self-reflection homework to do....

Life is Swirling Around Me and I'm, like, "Ahhhh"

One of my friends in high school said this once, and it has stayed with me. I can't remember in what context she said it - we were probably lamenting about college essays or SAT's or which plaid flannel to wear. Wow. We just had no clue. As I look at this blog, and realize four months have gone by since my last entry, I can honestly say, "Life is swirling around me and I'm, like, AHHHHHHHHHHH"

In four months, Livija has:
- Grown 7, agonizing, painful (but gorgeous) teeth
- Learned to scoot, crawl, cruise and WALK
- Tackled not only rice cereal, prunes and "puffs"; but, avocado, rice and beans, tofu, tater tots, pears, peaches, strawberries, bananas, kiwi, mandarin oranges, applesauce, soy yogurt, graham crackers, fig newtons, pasta, and waffles
- Been diagnosed with dairy, barley and sunflower allergies
- Learned to say "Bye Bye" "Mama" and "Dada"
- Endured 2 chest x-rays, 1 neck x-ray, 1 blood draw, 1 EKG and several shots
- Figured out how to climb stairs, open cabinets and drawers, and drink her own bottle
- Tamed Napoleon into complete and utter submissiveness
- Become a huge fan of buses, Baby Einstein, motorcycles, and sneezes
- Switched from size 3 to size four diapers
- Abandoned the Jumperoo and Excerpooper

Not to mention, I went back to work, and Livija started "school"!

Now that we're both career women, there should be some interesting stories to share. I have one good one that I like to refer to as the "Poop Scandal of 2009"; but, it just stirs up bad memories so I'll let that one be for now...

It's good to be back to blogging. I know folks have been anxious for the most recent chronicles. I imagine there should be some good hilarity around the corner now that Livija is officially a "toddler"! I can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!