Going Slow

You know "that" driver who goes 10 miles below the speed limit and gives you sweaty flashbacks of the scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where the Dad is stuck driving behind the little old lady with the beehive? I used to hate "that" driver; but, now I'm sad to admit I AM "that" driver...but not for the reasons you'd think.

I'm not afraid of highways. I don't mind driving fast. In fact, I always used to be a quickest-way-from-point-A-to-point-B kind of girl. There's a reason I drive a car that has a turbo charged engine and eats up premium fuel. In fact, here's a picture of me at this years car show - I never miss it - I'm weird like that.

Howevever, driving has become a purposeful, strategic, and necessary means to get Livija to take much needed cat naps so she can make it through to bedtime. I have memorized the twists and turns of Route 9 between Newton and Natick so well that I could drive it with a Lovey pulled over my eyes. I've learned, that a quick trip to Babies R Us affords us just enough car time for Livija to sneak in 25-30 minutes of snoozing BUT only if I drive the speed limit.

It has made me a safer driver, and my time in the car is much less stressful now that I don't feel the heavy anxiety of "needing" to get someplace on time. Sorry to the young, childless folks out there who get stuck behind me on the highway....but naptime is more important than feelin' the wind in my hair.

You know you're a Mom when...

1) Projectile vomit or spit up doesn't even make you flinch

2) Your body is on a permanent tilt to one side as you adapt to carrying a little one on your hip all day

3) Instead of singing in the shower, you hum the songs that play on the Jumperoo and Exersaucer

4) You can nap anywhere, anytime, and in any position

5) You buy the PedEgg because you've forgotten how to get yourself to the nail salon

6) Diaper wipes become all purpose cleaner

7) Joovy, Britax, Bugaboo, and McLaren seem like good names for your next pets

8) You turn in your diamond necklace for a faux turquoise teething necklace

9) Your "on the go" meal is whatever is left of the jarred sweet potato and barley slop

10) You spend more time with the washer and dryer than you do with your husband

No sick day for you!

As I sit here with my Sleepy Time tea, saltines and roll of toilet paper (we're out of tissues) I am fondly reflecting on my "Ferris Bueller" days. When I was little, if I stayed home sick from school, my family called me "Ferris". I remember when being sick involved curling up in bed, turning on the boob-tube, and napping as the moment so inspired me. What I've learned this week, however, is that being sick with a baby in tow is no Bueller day at all.

Regardless of my snotty nose and scratchy cough this morning, I still had to roll out of bed at 6:00am to greet a bright and bubbly Livija. I hoped to grab a few moments of zoned out peace as she played in her jumperoo; but, eventually that wore off and sick Mommy had to find ways to entertain Livija without touching, kissing, or breathing on her too hard.

Even though I was on the brink of laryngitis, I found myself reading "Pat the Bunny" 10 times this afternoon, in addition to 9 other books as I tried to calm my savage reader who grunts anxiously if I have not selected the "right" book. Additionally, today was the first day in weeks that Livija decided she just didn't want a nap between 2pm and 7:30pm. 5 and half hours of awake time would drain a perfectly healthy Mom, let alone a Mom who feels like her chest is going to cave in.

Night time is the worst. When you're a Mommy you can't take NyQuil or another sleep medicine...it just doesn't feel right. Instead, you lay awake most of the night praying for your nasal passages to clear up so that you can steal a few minutes of sleep before you have to start the whole routine all over again. The best part is as you're getting ready to go to bed, your husband announces that he's getting up at 5am to go to the gym. Because you're a good wife, you don't object - but you know that means that you'll be up at 5am too, and that last hour of precious sleep will be lost.

They aren't kidding when they say you're life will change when you have a baby. Right down to the sick days. God I miss sitting in a pile of tissues all by myself!!!!

Pearls of wisdom

I am 6 1/2 months into being a new mother, and I figure that I should probably have some pearls of motherhood wisdom to pass along by now. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm any less clumsy now than I was in the first few weeks; but, I have learned a few valuable lessons along the way:

1) Never leave the house without at least 5 diapers. Trust me....the day you leave the house with just a couple of diapers you will be rewarded with a handsome poop explosion and an unanticipated pee. Three diapers at home would normally be just fine to cover such a catastrophe...but add in trying to change the diaper in the trunk of your SUV, realizing you forgot wipes which means you have to use another diaper to substitute, and you've got yourself one sticky situation.

2) There will not be flocks of people telling you what an amazing mother you are. You'll have a few (mainly your own mother); but, not as many as you think...and certainly not enough to keep the confidence up day to day. Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader on this one because not everyone GETS that you really need to hear that you're a fantastic mother just for making it through Monday.

3) Don't ever, EVER, believe that you have a "routine". Garbage. Any consistency in schedule will never last long, and just when you think you have something mastered a wrench is always thrown into the equation. This is called parenthood. This is why pediatricians smirk at you when you brag about your schedule, or when you say you are using "Baby Wise" and it's working.

4) Animal sounds are magic. You might be amazed how many times you resort to clucking like a chicken, or scratching your armpits like a monkey just to put a smile on your little ones face.

5) It's not an excersaucer - it's an excerpooper. I put Livi in that thing right after eating, and within 5 minutes "Shazam!" - we've got a winner.

6) There is no, one, right way. Not for anything. Ever. It's horrible. When it comes to babies, no one agrees on anything. Don't look for the magic bullet, because there isn't one. You have to be your own best expert. If you can embrace this fact it's empowering - but it can also frustrate the crap out of you when you're just plain tired of making decisions.

7) Frozen washcloths are over rated. Frozen pacifiers are golden.

8) Animal Planet is way better than Baby Einstein.

9) Things you wouldn't think of, like your brassy door knobs, are way better than Animal Planet and Baby Einstein combined.

10) Don't ask about percentiles. They'll just stress you out. If your baby is eating, pooping, and laughing, that's all that should matter. Who cares if your baby's head circumference is in the 95th percentile????