Pearls of wisdom

I am 6 1/2 months into being a new mother, and I figure that I should probably have some pearls of motherhood wisdom to pass along by now. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm any less clumsy now than I was in the first few weeks; but, I have learned a few valuable lessons along the way:

1) Never leave the house without at least 5 diapers. Trust me....the day you leave the house with just a couple of diapers you will be rewarded with a handsome poop explosion and an unanticipated pee. Three diapers at home would normally be just fine to cover such a catastrophe...but add in trying to change the diaper in the trunk of your SUV, realizing you forgot wipes which means you have to use another diaper to substitute, and you've got yourself one sticky situation.

2) There will not be flocks of people telling you what an amazing mother you are. You'll have a few (mainly your own mother); but, not as many as you think...and certainly not enough to keep the confidence up day to day. Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader on this one because not everyone GETS that you really need to hear that you're a fantastic mother just for making it through Monday.

3) Don't ever, EVER, believe that you have a "routine". Garbage. Any consistency in schedule will never last long, and just when you think you have something mastered a wrench is always thrown into the equation. This is called parenthood. This is why pediatricians smirk at you when you brag about your schedule, or when you say you are using "Baby Wise" and it's working.

4) Animal sounds are magic. You might be amazed how many times you resort to clucking like a chicken, or scratching your armpits like a monkey just to put a smile on your little ones face.

5) It's not an excersaucer - it's an excerpooper. I put Livi in that thing right after eating, and within 5 minutes "Shazam!" - we've got a winner.

6) There is no, one, right way. Not for anything. Ever. It's horrible. When it comes to babies, no one agrees on anything. Don't look for the magic bullet, because there isn't one. You have to be your own best expert. If you can embrace this fact it's empowering - but it can also frustrate the crap out of you when you're just plain tired of making decisions.

7) Frozen washcloths are over rated. Frozen pacifiers are golden.

8) Animal Planet is way better than Baby Einstein.

9) Things you wouldn't think of, like your brassy door knobs, are way better than Animal Planet and Baby Einstein combined.

10) Don't ask about percentiles. They'll just stress you out. If your baby is eating, pooping, and laughing, that's all that should matter. Who cares if your baby's head circumference is in the 95th percentile????