Let me count the ways...

Sometimes I read my blog and think that people who don't know me well must think I'm an awfully bitter new mother. As I sit here next to the video monitor, sleep deprived and holding my breath that Livija will stay peaceful tonight, I know I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn't exhausted, tapped, worn out, sticky, or smelly - or, that this morning I forgot to brush my teeth, didn't shower, didn't fully change out of my pajamas, and didn't get lunch until 2:30pm (that's a long time to wait when your breakfast was at 6:30am). I'd also be lying to you, however, if I didn't share some of the wonderful things about being a mom - so here it goes - catch it now, because I'll be right back to my same old bitter blogs by tomorrow!

1. I love her skin. Her feet and her bum particularly. It's amazing to feel those little fingers wrap around mine when I feed her...and I think the best part of my day is getting her ready for her bath and kissing her naked butt and hearing her squeal in delight. She takes such pleasure in being naked and it's wonderful.

2. Her laugh is infectious, and it seems to change every week. First she started with smiles - then we graduated to laughs - now we are in full blown hysterics phase. It's amazing to see her face light up and to giggle at her toothless grin. It's even more amazing that her laughter is reacting to something that I've done to make her happy.

3. I love watching and observing when she has no idea I'm there. Occasionally she loses herself in play, and it's so fun to actually witness learning. It's like her brain is developing before my eyes.

4. Livija and her Dad are absolutely precious. Piyum was the first to hold and feed Livija when she was born, and they certainly have a special bond. She gushes with excitement when he comes home from work, and she searches for him in the morning while I change her diaper. Seeing Piyum so natural as a father is truly incredible.

5. Staying at home is a blessing. My mother stayed at home with me, and I hope I can create some of the same memories for Livija. My generation of women has been told from the beginning that we can "have it all". Now that I have Livija, I see that staying at home IS having it all.

6. Livija has taught me to let go of "stuff". Most of this involuntary - but I have just learned to ACCEPT. It's hard sometimes, but a valuable lesson nonetheless and I'm happy that she's teaching it to me.

7. I love that, in the morning, she is always happy and full of smiles. It's like she is so GRATEFUL that I have come to find her. No matter what sleeplessness the night brought her, she always begins the next day with laughter.

8. She may not look like me, but it's amazing to see what personality traits and characteristics she takes from me. In a new environment, or with new people, she absorbs and observers her surroundings with great care. Her eyes scan every detail until she feels secure. People laugh and say she looks so serious - those are the moments I feel she looks the most like me and it's wonderful to watch.

9. I've never seen anyone take so much joy in watching a cat or dog. Livija's obsession with Napoleon and Cleo is absolutely adorable. She pumps her fists, opens her mouth in a big "O", and taps her feet.

10. Okay...well, now I'm distracted. Livija has just started crying (I am not being dramatic) and I have no idea why. Looks like we're in for another long night. I'll try to keep points 1-9 in mind as we head into the early morning hours....