"Say hello to my little friend"

So, I have a new little friend. Not the one you are thinking of. Yes, Livija is a new friend; but, I'm speaking of my other friend...the friend that exists between my belly button and my c-section scar...my BULGE.

My little friend is not really so welcome. Sure she's soft and squishy; but soooo not in a good way. I've never had a little friend before. Before I got pregnant, I would have never been able to admit to you that my belly was fairly close to washboard. I don't think I really realized how wonderfully flat my stomach was which is terribly unfortunate; because now I'm reminded every day that not so long ago I was 40lbs heavier and looked like a hippo.

I've developed this odd habit of keeping one arm laced around my stomach when standing or sitting. People must think I have a cramp or a bad stomach ache - and it must seem awfully funny that as I sit down on the Gymboree mat with Livija, I shake Jimbo the clown with one hand and clutch my stomach with the other.

It's so dumb because I'm not fooling anyone (and besides, that's against my whole philosophy of honesty in Motherhood). It's just so hard to accept that after spending 32 agonizing years working towards the zenith of self-esteem (a.k.a, running in public which just a sports bra and shorts) I'm back to square friggin' one.

I've been told that the little friend never goes away, no matter how hard you try. I've even heard this rumor that Heidi Klum has a little friend who gets airbrushed out of all of her photos (but, after watching this years Victoria's Secret fashion show I have to say I didn't see an ounce of friend on that chiseled body).

One woman told me that my friend would just be something I would have to live with, and that wearing a bikini will be just fine so long as I remain standing. Imagine going to the beach and standing on your towel all afternoon? You'd know who all of the new Mothers were because we'd be the ones with hellacious burns on our shoulders and scalps. Sounds like a GREAT solution.

I'm hoping that with a hard core running routine, and buying every single abdominal exercise gizmo in existence that I might earn myself the title of Hot Mama. That's going to be difficult, however, if I can't get myself on the treadmill more than once a week (which is about my average currently). I've always considered myself to be a pretty tough cookie; but, I'd like to see YOU try running on 4 hours of broken sleep and a Lean Pocket diet.

I should be happy that 30 of my 40lbs melted off in the first month, and that after a treacherous labor and delivery, I finally am able to to do jumping jacks without feeling like something inside of me is going to snap. It would just be nice if my "friend" took a hike so I could fit back into my skinny jeans, enjoy a good bend at the waist, and start focusing more on how fun it is to be at eye level with Livija (instead of focusing on my mysterious seventh abdominal muscle).