Messy, sticky, slobs!

Babies are slobs. They are dirty, messy, sticky, slobs, and I think it's hysterical that we all think it's so darn cute. Realistically, it's all pretty gross. I mean, anyone who has a runny nose that drips into their mouth, sneezes with such vigor that drool ends up three kids down on the play mat, and poops so hard that it not only leaks out of the diaper but somehow ends up on their toes, would be exiled to an island populated by lepers in a heartbeat.

Today, in Gymboree, as we all sat around comparing sleep stories (oohhh, the excitement), we looked on lovingly as little Andrew spit up all over his chin, overalls, socks and blanket. It was this white, chunky, drooly stuff that looked like it could be the ooze out of a wound; but, we all still giggled and smiled at him.

The week before, little Julian needed a rice cereal break in the middle of class. The porridge-like muck never made it to his stomach - just to his cheeks, and perhaps even snuck around under his ears ( I hope he got a bath that night, because I'm guessing day old rice cereal lodged behind your ear gets a little crusty by morning). No one batted an eyelash; because, this of course, is considered "normal".

Or how about this one - the red, awful rash that develops in between the neck folds of a baby's little throat because of all of the milk, drool and formula that hibernates in there? If you saw that on an adult, you'd be calling the CDC or the Department for Homeland Security. On our little ones, however, it's endearing.

Perhaps the most shocking is when a baby decides that the stuff in their diaper would make a really good self-tanner, and spreads it generously all over their face, arms, body and legs. Can you imagine what might happen to an adult who pulled this stunt? Lock down in the local mental institution; but, for a baby, it's what legends are made of.

I know, I know...babies can't help it; but, can we please all stop pretending that they smell like peaches? There is a discernible difference between the sweet smell of fruit, and the unlikely combination of baby powder, formula, Desitin, and pureed peas.